Just a guy…

5 03 2010

New city, new life, new friends…

… He was ready for it all and each day was a new exciting discovery. But nothing in the world could prepare him for that day.

It was a day like many others since he moved, discovering a new part of this amazing city, the excitement of his first job interview, all the things lying ahead after many years of struggle. His eyes contemplating all those new faces, all those different stories…

…That’s when he saw her.

As she would later tell him, she never realized his presence on that train, but he couldn’t take his eyes from her, that stranger caught his attention like no one has done so in a long time. He just couldn’t help himself on observing every minor detail on her.
As his station was getting closer he was getting ready to say goodbye to that strange with a little hope to ever see her again, and for his surprise she also got out on the same place.
He followed her for a little bit until she made a turn and left him alone in that crowded street still wondering about that mysterious girl.

After getting lost as usual he finally came to his job interview, the place was really different than any other place that he worked… so small, so casual… but well, a job is a job he though – At least this will get me going for a couple of weeks until i find something else…

Then while waiting to be interviewed he suddenly saw the same girl from the train, inside that place, the unexpected encounter managed to change his heartbeat in…well… in a heartbeat! Now she also had a voice and a name, she wasn’t just another stranger that he would probably never see again, she was becoming more and more real… She had a voice, a smile, a way to talk and to act and for a moment that job interview was something so trivial and unimportant. All his attention was focused on her.

He got the job and started training on the very next week, always wondering when he was going to see that girl again. Finally after a couple of days he met her again but he stayed on his own, just observing that girl from far away…

Weeks passed and the initial discomfort as you know someone new passed and she revealed to be really friendly and positive. They shared some interests and points of view, not many, but enough to give him plenty of excuses to engage in small talk.

Weeks turned into a month and as he was trying to focus on learning his new trade he couldn’t take his mind away from that girl. Till one day they walked back to the train. That day was the first time that their lips touched “An accident of course!” he tough because he was never the kind of guy to think that the world gravitates around him.

Those “almost miss” little hi and bye kisses turned into bull’s-eye kisses leaving him astonished and at the same time wondering if he was the only one seeing that or if there was more than he thought it was…

His growing hope crashed to the ground on the very next day when he was introduced to her boyfriend. He couldn’t help that small feeling of jealousy and envy growing on him, but decided to end that subject at that point since there was apparently no hope… that guy was so nice that even he liked him and that was the whole irony of the situation. “So let’s call it quits” he said to himself…

What a lie! He couldn’t take his eyes away from her, even thou he was trying his hardest not to do that, but at this point it was too late already.

A party on a friend’s house reignited his flame full power after seeing how silly they could be together, and after walking just a couple of blocks, with her enclosed in his arms. Those few minutes hugging her was something that he treasured until this day.
He met her mother not so long after that without knowing at first. That encounter left him wandering if he had caused a good impression on her…

And he could say that he actually did, because right after that he was invited to a party hosted by her mom and some friends.
At the party his heart felt heavy as he noticed how the boyfriend was seen on her mom’s eyes…
But once again, he was such a nice guy that he even felt guilty of his growing desire to steal her from him…
He spent the rest of the party just observing her as he has done since day one, but in a proper moment to talk he decided to improvise and give out a hint of his feelings for that girl “…in special i’m thankful for random people that we meet in the train” he said already knowing that people would find that passage of his speech out of context.

After that night he decided once again to put an end to that matter and go on with his life being happy to just be friends with that girl. But once again those little kisses would always raise questions on his mind “could it be something? or am i just making it feel like there’s something?” He couldn’t take those blue eyes, those lips and that smile out of his brain…it was useless trying to rationalize or run away from that.

One night after a few more drinks that he should have taken, and the right kiss on the wrong mouth, he confessed his feelings for her just to receive as expected the usual “I really like you as my friend” response. But at least he took that out of his system for now.

He tried, and he tried to find someone else… someone nice that would help to steal his attention from her.
He tried focussing on every single part of her that he didn’t liked… only to find those parts more attractive than the ones he liked at first.
He tried using his logic, his negativity, his lack of hope.

…and it was all in vain because even if he tried to put up some distance he was one little touch of lips away from falling back on his track.

A few weeks before he decided to trow everything up and open his heart to this girl she started this flirting game… something that he really enjoys to do, but also raised more and more questions on his head as hands touched weak spots and words where used as artillery in a war… who would give up? who would try to advance and doing so losing the game?
At this point he just couldn’t take it anymore… the warmth that he felt when he was around her would turn into a feeling of stupidity in the very same second that she would turn her back….

He told himself so many times after the last time he got hurt, never to open himself again, never let them see your heart… play the game!

But it’s too late now… he can’t take it anymore, he want’s to scream to every corner of the world how much he desires her, how much he loves her… the real love, not the word that we say everyday without meaning. how he want her happiness to be his happiness, how he want’s to rediscover every street, every sunset, everything that they took for granted while apart and that now makes all the meaning in the world.

He won’t play games or pretend in order to get her attention. In fact, he doesn’t even have any saying on this matter anymore, he has no decisions to make…

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